


Who am I

by Not_a_lizard



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Gay Bashing, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Ron Weasley Bashing, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-10-14 05:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20595536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_a_lizard/pseuds/Not_a_lizard
Summary: Harry has finally defeated Voldemort, and now he has time to figure out who he is.He tries to join Hogwarts' LGBT+ group only to find Pansy Parkinson is the organiser!Harry will eventually discover himself while coming to terms with the stigma of being LGBT+ in the wizarding society.-- The history of this fic is in line with cannon, Dumbledore is still dead, as is Fred, Snape and Sirius etc --





	1. Chapter 1

Harry was nervous. This may have been the first time he was nervous since walking into the forbidden forest before he defeated Voldemort. Yet here he was, stood outside the room of requirement in his 8th year, and he was actually shaking. He tried to calm himself down, it wasn’t like this was a big deal, he was just going to join a club for LGBT+ students. Its not like being gay is a big deal in the wizarding world, well… no more of an issue than being a pureblood, so really it only bothered the Slytherins. He could do this.

He walked in to see the room almost like an office reception, it was strange. Sitting at the desk was a 6th year Hufflepuff he didn’t know. She had marble white skin, gentle brown curls and when she smiled up at him she had a dimple on her left cheek. There was a novel to her left and what looked like a register in front of her.

‘’Hi, new member?’’. She was very friendly and instantly made Harry feel at ease. ‘’Yes, hi, I’m Harry’’. She chuckled, it was obvious she knew who he was but she didn’t say anything, she could tell he was nervous and this was a safe space after all. ‘’Hi Harry, I’m Xiaoling, I’m the admin for the group, I look after our members and if you need any help feel free to come to me. If you can’t find me our group organiser will be more than happy to help. Do you have any questions before you head through?’’. Harry smiled, ‘’No thanks, I’ll make sure to come back if i do’’. With that she waved him off and he headed inside, only to stop dead in his tracks.

He couldn’t believe his eyes, right in front of him, welcoming a group of Ravenclaws, was Pansy Parkinson. Before she noticed him Harry ran and hid behind a pillar. He couldn’t believe it, here he was, joining a group to try and work out his own sexuality, only to see his ex-rivals girlfriend. Did that mean Draco was here? What if she told people about him? He was ready to join a group to help himself, but he wasn’t ready for everyone to know he may not be straight. Not yet anyway, he hadn’t even told Ron or Hermione. Harry was just about to sneak out and forget he ever tried to join when Pansy tapped him on the shoulder.

‘’You okay Potter?’’. She didn’t sound like she was being malicious but Harry was still weary. ‘’I’m fine, just wandered into the wrong room, that's all. I’ll just… leave…’’. Pansy looked at Potter in such a strange way; and he hated it. It was as if she was looking at a stray kitten who needed help. He had never seen Pansy like this and honestly, it frightened him.  
‘’Potter you don’t need to leave’’ She sighed, ‘’Look Im the group organiser, Im a lesbian… don’t look so surprised’’. She smiled at Harry in a welcoming way, he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave, but he thought he should at least hear her out; he waited for her to continue. ‘’Look I know the stigma that can come with being in this community, but after the war, after my parents being locked up… after everything really, I knew I needed a safe space with people that understand. I thought I could start this group to help those in my position, connect with one another and help myself in the process.’’ She sighed again. ‘’You don’t need to be worried about me and you don’t need to leave, I really mean it when I say this is a safe space. Why don’t we go grab some tea and you can tell me why you came, I promise I won’t judge’’. Harry looked at Pansy like she had just turned into a goblin.

This couldn’t be the same Pansy Parkinson, someone must be playing a trick on him. He knew she was on his side during the war, and he was there during her parents trial when she testified against them… but still. This was Paarkinson, the same girl who had made Hermione feel lower than low, who had berated him and Ron in front of the Slytherins, the same Parkinson who laughed at ever taunt Malfoy made to him. There was no way she was actually being this nice. Forgetting all that, there is no way SHE was a lesbian. She lusted over Malfoy constantly, she was never away from him. He was sure they were a couple. Harry honestly just felt confused, he needed to get away. Without answering her, he got up and left. Pansy looked at him frustrated and with understanding, she knew it would be hard to come to terms with, especially with their past, she would just need to wait and see if he came back.

Before he walked out of the room of requirement Harry turned to Xiaoling, ‘’Is Parkinson really in charge here?’’, Harry was confused why she looked so nervous, until her realised he practically growled his question. He felt a little bad but still wasn't sure if someone was playing a trick on him, so he didn’t apologise. ‘’Erm, yes? She was the one who sent out the messages and arranged all this’’. Harry didn’t know how to respond so he just left.


	2. Chapter 2

‘’Harry, what’s going on?’’. Harry looked up from his lunch to see Hermione staring at him, a face full of worry. ‘’You’re barely eating again, is something happening? Should we talk to McGonagall?’’. Harry almost smiled at that, ‘’No ‘Mione, honestly nothing is happening, I'm just… thinking. That’s all’’. This time Ron spoke up, ‘’well you’ve been thinking a lot recently mate’’. Harry considered this, he hadn’t realised how withdrawn he had been since speaking to Parkinson. It had been a week and he wasn’t any closer to understanding if it had all been some kind of joke or if Parkinson was telling the truth; but that just caused him to have more questions. If Parkinson was a lesbian and the organiser of the group then could she be trusted? Did that change how he should think of her? He couldn't just accept that she was actually nice, but maybe there was more to it that he wasn't considering. He looked between his two friends, could he tell them what happened? How would they react to him going to such a group?

‘’Do you think people can change?’’ he looked over to the Slytherins table, but not at anyone in particular. ‘’What do you mean Harry?’’ it was Hermione who answered, while Ron started to look a bit agitated. ‘’Well, do you think there's more to people, considering what happened? Do you think they’re all actually evil?’’. Before Hermione could answer, Ron snapped ‘’Of course they are, you of all people should know that. Look at them, they don't seem to have any shame from the war. Hell, look at Malfoy and Parkinson, laughing and smiling at each other like the war didn't happen and like their parents didn’t kill anyone or ruin anyone's lives!’’ He was nearly shouting now and Hermione was trying to calm him down, ‘’its fucking ridiculous that McGonagall let them back here at all. It’s their fault I don’t have my brother any more, so no. I don’t think people can change. I think they’ll always be less than shit! They should have been locked away with the others!’’ He practically spat the last line while looking at the Slytherin table. Ron got up and looked at his friends, ‘’Sorry but I need to go.’’. With that he left before Harry or Hermione could respond. The pair were shocked at their friends outburst but not completely surprised. Thankfully no-one seemed to notice as the great hall wasn’t quite full yet.

Hermione seemed to think about her response before she spoke up, ‘’Look Harry, Ron is still mourning. We all are. Maybe he’s right, maybe people can’t change, but maybe they were never actually evil to start with. I don’t condone what has happened in the past during school, but, do you remember them doing anything too untoward? I mean yes, they were bullies, and yes Malfoy did what he did in the war. But the others, the ones still here in Hogwarts. Did they actually do anything? I don’t think they’re all evil. I think they were all scared.’’ She paused, considering her next words carefully. ‘’I know Ron didn’t approve of you giving Malfoy his wand back, but you did. I think you knew he was scared. I also think if you’re considering that, you should consider what everyone else was going through. McGonagall wouldn’t let them return if she thought they were evil.’’ With that she stood up, ‘’I’m going to find Ron and check he is okay, but think about it. If you need me you know where to find me.’’ Then she left, returning Harry to his thoughts.

He considered what Hermione had said; he did give Malfoy his wand back. He had accepted Malfoys actions in the war were solely due to him fearing for his mothers’ life. At Malfoys trial Harry had sat almost frozen in shock when he saw Malfoy weep for his mother, and explain how he needed to follow the dark lord or loose her. When Harry considered how his own mother had died for him, he understood that love could make you do crazy things, and so he forgave him. It took him awhile but he forgave Malfoy and visited him after the trails to return his wand. He wouldn’t consider him a friend or say they had an improved relationship, but he had done it, because he knew it wasn’t Malfoys’ fault. Hermione was right with the others too, he realised. During the war they never did anything to help Voldemort’s side, well… not that he could think of. They mainly stayed at Hogwarts from what he was told, until now he had never thought of why. Maybe he should talk to Parkinson after all, it’s not like he had to open up to her or anything... With that he got up to find his friends, hoping Ron had listened to his girlfriend and calmed down.


	3. Chapter 3

It was like deja vu, Harry was stood in front of the room of requirement again, and he was nervous, again. He didnt even know if he would be allowed back, he was quite rude to Xiaoling last time he was here. What if Parkinson doesn’t want to talk to him? He stopped there, asking himself anymore questions would just lead to him talking himself out of this and he wanted to know more.

He had clearly been worrying Hermione and annoying Ron, with his zoning out in the common room and at meal times. He didnt want to keep his friends in the dark but he knew he couldnt talk to them about this. Homosexuality had never been broguht up as a topic before. He didnt think Hermione would be prejudice, she was the kindest person he had ever met, and Ron’s family didn’t hold other pureblood family stigma, so he didnt think they would care either, but he just couldn’t bring himself to talk to them yet. He knew Ron still expected Harry and Ginny to get together but that would never happen. Thankfully Ginny also felt that way so it wasn't an awkward topic, but still. He couldn't just come out with this to Ron, or Hermione. It would be too hard.

He realised he was just standing in a corridor now staring at a wall, and he felt a bit foolish. So Harry walked back into the room or requirement and was greeted again by Xiaoling. Just like last time she was sitting at her desk, smiling up at him, although this time her smile was more reserved, like she wasn't sure if she should be. Harry instantly felt bad and apologised. ‘’Hi Xiaoling, I'm really sorry for snapping at you and storming out last time I was here, it was rude of me’’. She didn't respond at first, almost like she was considering his apology, then she smiled a little brighter, ‘’dont worry about it, I’ll mark you in, why don't you head through?’’. Harry smiled back, grateful and began to walk to the back room, this time trying not to panic when, again, he saw Parkinson, this time talking to another gryffindor. Harry didn’t have time to see who it was before she turned around and greeted him.

‘’Hello Potter, shall I bother speaking this time or will you just be running away after I try?’’. Harry instantly felt more at ease, this was the Parkinson he was used to, snarky and confident. ‘’I was actually wanting to talk to you if that would be okay? I’ll try not to run this time’’ He smirked, and Parkinson smirked back. They may not be friends but this was almost comfortable for them, more natural.

They walked to the back of the room where there was a cozy set of armchairs and a table, as they sat down a tea tray appeared with biscuits, milk and sugar. Harry didn’t know if Elves were bringing it or if the room knew they needed it but either way he was grateful. He waited for Parkinson to pour her tea then helped himself, buying himself some time before he started to bombard her with questions. 

Pansy was being patient with Potter, she knew what it was like to come into an environment like this and feel on show, even if he wasn’t. She knew no-one would pay them any mind but she didn’t choose to tell him that. She opted to sit patiently and wait for Potter to compose himself, as much as she enjoyed the playful sarcasm earlier, she wasnt stupid and she didnt expect the mood to stay like that.

Harry finally looked at Parkinson, this close he could see how this wasn’t the same Parkinson from before the war. Her hair wasn’t as straight, he makeup less flashy, she seemed almost, more humbled. He found himself surprised in thinking, it suited her. He knew he couldn't avoid it any longer so he asked, ‘’why did you come back to Hogwarts?’’. Although Pansy was expecting a serious conversation, that was not the first question she had anticipated, she took a moment before answering. ‘’Do you want the long version or the short version?’’. ‘’Long, if we have the time?’’, at that Parkinson cast a tempus, showing it was a quarter to 6, Harry had arrived late and the students were expected to go to dinner at 6. ‘’I don’t suppose we do right now, would you consider meeting me in the library tomorrow? I feel like that isn’t the only question you wanted to ask?’’. Harry nodded, ‘’Youre right, okay how about before lunch? Around 10?’’ Pansy smiled, ‘’Sounds great’’, before Harry could ask her anything else she stood up, ‘’I'm afraid I have some things to discuss with Xiaoling before dinner, I’ll see you tomorrow’’ and with that she walked back towards the entrance, so much for bombarding her with questions.

Harry decided to take this time to really look around the room and see what it had to offer before he left, since he didn’t get the chance last time he was there. The space seemed smaller than when it was used for the DA lessons, more cozy. There were multiple armchairs and couches that looked like they were from each of the common rooms, probably to make it feel more like home for the students. Near each chair was a coffee table and the floor was littered with blankets and pillows. A group of 5th year students were in a corner and had seemed to make a den with the pillows, there was some students from each house and they all looked at ease and comfortable. The lighting in the room was bright but warm, Harry suspected the Hufflepuff common room looked very similar to this, it was nice. Harry understood for this to be a safe place it would need to make people feel safe.

As Harry headed down to dinner he felt a sense of pride. He may not have talked to Parkinson about anything but he was proud for sticking it out, and he imagined tomorrow would help him a lot to understand the Slytherin. He was still lost in thought about what to talk about with Parkinson when he got to Hermione, she seemed to be sat alone and as Harry looked around he couldn’t see Ron anywhere. He was just about to ask Hermione where he was when he heard her sniffle.

Every thought left his mind as he rushed to help his friend, ‘’Hermione what’s going on!’’, he hadn’t seen her cry since the war, she held it together and kept strong for everyone, this shocked Harry to his core. Hermione looked up at Harry, her eyes were full of tears, ‘’Ron and I are taking some time to ourselves’’. Harry couldn’t believe it, they had been together through the war, he thought out of all the couples he had met, they were the most solid. Harry gave her a hug and tried to comfort her, giving her the time to speak. ‘’I tried to talk some sense into him, after his episode in the great hall the other day, I tried to bring it up again. I didn’t want him to continue this year with so much resentment… I thought I could help him heal’’. She took a deep breath, ‘’He became enraged again, he was furious that I even considered Slytherins being anything other than demons. He was so… furious. I had never seen this level of anger in him.’’ She slowed down, gathering herself, ‘’I tried again and he called me a bitch, said I clearly didn’t care about him, or Fred dying if I was trying to sympathise with them. He told me to fuck off and said I should..’’ She sobbed again, Harry gave her a little squeeze, ‘’He said I should go suck some slytherin cock if that’s all I cared about, then he slammed the door and left.’’

Harry couldn’t believe it, he didn’t try to answer her, he just held Hermione while she quietly sobbed into his shoulder. He knew Ron had changed after the war, but he didn’t expect this, Harry counted himself lucky that he was free from his hatred. He still had nightmares and some scars might never heal but he just didn’t feel angry anymore, how could he not notice all the anger Ron was holding in. But still, that did not excuse how he treated Hermione, she was just trying to help. Harry looked down at Hermione and made a silent vow, that he would never let her be hurt by Ron again. They may have been best friends but Harry wasn't going to let his other best friend suffer like this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW - minor mentions of abuse and fighting

After a very long night Harry did not feel awake enough to go see Parkinson. He had stayed up all night with Hermione comforting her, he had a suspicion she hadn’t told him everything but he decided to let her tell him in her own time. Still, after only a few hours of sleep Harry stumbled towards the library, even though he wanted to rest he didn’t want to stand Parkinson up.

When he got to the library, Pansy was already sat at a table near the back. She seemed to have chosen the one table away from shelves and other study areas, that must be so no-one could hear them. Harry had tried to plan what he wanted to talk about but as he sat down in front of her she couldn’t seem to remember anything, he was about to apologise and explain how he had had a busy night but Parkinson beat him to it. ‘’So I’m guessing the question still stands? About why I came back to hogwarts?’’, she didn’t have any malice in her voice, it seemed like Parkison was ready for this conversation, Harry just nodded, he could see Parkinson was ready for their chat. She looked nervous but assertive, he wasn’t accustomed to seeing a Slytherin nervous, but he didn’t comment on it.

‘’It started before the war, I didn’t know what my parents were doing at first, I honestly thought they were just going out with their friends. You know how pretentious purebloods are, I didn’t want to question much; I was starting to see how ignorant they were and as I was recognising my sexuality I thought avoiding them was best. After a few months they started subtly mentioning their meetings and their prejudice. I think they were trying to get me on their side, I always made sure to agree with them and give them the impression that I was. After a while I got scared so I had a meeting with Snape, he was surprisingly supportive and got me to feed back what they were saying - I felt like a double agent.’’

‘’When Dumbledore died I stayed at Hogwarts, I avoided my family and tried to stay here to help as best I could. I mainly supported the younger students, hiding them from the Carrows and just trying to keep a low profile. When the battle began, I was in the dungeons, I had gathered all the children who couldn’t escape and I hid them in the deepest parts I could find. I made sure everyone was safe… We stayed there for what felt like hours, we didn’t dare make a sound until Draco came to find us. He told me all about your defeat, but how you fell out of Hagrids’ arms and won the war. I got the children back to their families, and decided to go home - I wanted to see if my parents returned… They didn’t. I know they died but I don’t know how, we have a unique spell in our home with our wards, they change colors depending on which family members are alive. Mother was red, father was blue and my colour was purple, all 3 would shine like a kaleidoscope when checked, when I checked last it was just purple. It’s morbid but I see now they did it because they knew what they were getting themselves into with the war. Once I realised that there was nothing for me there I decided to come back to Hogwarts, I knew Draco was returning and he was the closest thing I had to family, plus he was in a similar Home situation so I didn’t feel so alone. Now I’m just staying here, Hogwarts is my new home.’’

Harry was stunned, Parkinson was teary eyed and he wasn’t sure how to react. What she had told him was so personal and so close to home, he knew she was telling the truth and realised she was really trying to earn his trust. He wondered how many times she had told this story, he didn’t see her talking to many people outside of her group, so maybe it was just Malfoy who knew. Harry reached out and put his hand over hers, he was relieved when she didn’t pull away, but instead smiled at him. Harry knew they had more to talk about but he didn’t want to right now, he felt Parkinson - no, Pansy had said enough. Hermione was right, Pansy definitely wasn’t evil to start with, she was just in a horrible situation. In time he would bring up how she behaved in school, he wanted an apology and he wanted her to apologise to Hermione, but he thought that right now, they could just chat. Harry was very engrossed in talking to Pansy and making plans with her to head to lunch, that he didn’t see Ron glaring at him from behind a bookshelf.

\----------------------------------------------------

Pansy and Harry headed to lunch a little late, the hall was full but few people seemed to notice them enter. As they were about to head to their respective tables, Ron marched up to them, shoving Harry in the process. ‘’WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HANGING AROUND WITH THAT BITCH!’’ he all but screamed. Harry and Pansy were stunned, subconsciously Pansy moved behind Harry and pulled out her wand - she didn’t want to hex him but she would if she needed to. The main hall had went silent as everyone waited to see what would happen next. ‘’Ron, why don’t we go outside to talk’’ Harry was trying to stay calm and trying to get the attention away from Pansy. ‘’NO! I told you last week about how Slytherins are scum, and then I see you holding the hand of that tart in the library! It’s disgusting’’. Whispers where flying around the great hall hearing that, Harry could just imagine what they were saying. He moved to further shield Pansy, he could feel her discomfort. ‘’Ron. Stop. you’re wrong and you’ve got the wrong idea about what’s going on.’’ Harry was trying so hard not to lose his temper but there was only so much he could take, especially with how mad he already was at Ron. ‘’No, you didn’t listen to me! I will not be friends with a sympathiser of those pricks!’’. Before Ron could continue, Harry punched him in the jaw, everyone was stunned. ‘’Then I guess we’re not friends’’ Harry was gradually raising his voice, not caring that everyone was watching, ‘’You are the biggest piece of shit I’ve met. I get that the war was hard on you, it was hard on all of us. I FUCKING DIED! But I’m not being a complete dick like you. How you treat Hermione was fucking disgusting and if you actually got to know the Slytherins you would see that they are just people who, shockingly, went through a fucking war! Just. Like. Us.’’ 

Harrys’ magic was cracking and people were getting nervous, it looked like electricity was running along his arms. Ron looked more scared than everyone else, unsure of what Harry would do. Before Harry could continue he heard a thick scottish accent shout ‘’THAT IS ENOUGH!’’ they had been so wrapped up in their argument they didn’t see McGonagall walking up the hall and she was furious. Harry seemed to reign himself in straight away, his magic died down and he realised just how close he was to attacking Ron further. Everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing, they knew Harry didn’t always need a wand but didn’t realise he was this powerful. McGonagall was ready to physically pull the boys apart when Ron made a move, he started to walk out of the hall. He threw a casual, ‘’fuck you” over his shoulder as he walked out, leaving the argument in his wake. Harry didn't feel too hungry after that so he left too, not before apologising to Pansy and McGonagall. Instead of walking towards the tower like Ron, Harry went outside, thinking a walk by the lake would help clear his mind, too much had happened in too short of a time period and he was pretty sure he had just lost his best friend for good.

In all of the commotion no-one noticed Hermione get up and walk towards the group, so after Harry and Ron went their separate ways and McGonagall went to sit back at the teachers table, she approached Pansy. Pansy wasn’t aware of Hermiones’ presence for a while, she was in shock, shock at Rons’ outburst but also at Harry's defence of her; she realised it was a good sign but having a friendship with the boy who lived was going to make some waves. It wasn’t until she had put her wand away that she realised Hermione was standing behind her, looking expectant. Pansy realised she was going to be having a lot of serious talks today so she moved to the side and inclined her head so that Hermione could walk beside her. She wasn’t sure where they were going but Hermione seemed to have an idea, so other than a quick ‘’are you okay?’’, they headed to a corridor full of paintings. Pansy thought it was strange Hermione was tickling a pear until the painting swung open, revealing the kitchens… smart.

The elves welcomed the girls and set up a small table for them in the back of the room, they also laid out sandwiches, crisps and some pumpkin juice. Pansy was about to apologize to Hermione for upsetting her boyfriend but Hermione beat her to the punch, ‘’Are you sure you’re okay?’’. There were too many things surprising Pansy today, yet she kept face and answered… ‘’Surprisingly yes, I can’t say that wasn’t stressful but, yes. Potter was a sight it must be said, I’d heard stories about his magic fraying like that, never thought I’d get to witness it up close.’’ Hermione chuckled at this, ‘’Yes, I suppose it is intense. Do you mind if I ask, why were you with each other to start with?’’. There was the question she expected, ‘’We were in the library together, he wanted to know why I returned to Hogwarts. We had quite a pleasant morning’’. ‘’I suspected he would come to one of you, Harry has been questioning the Slytherins a lot recently, I guess he wanted to put his mind at ease.’’ Hermione finished her sentence by having a bite of sandwich. 

‘’I’m sorry your boyfriend got so upset’’. Hermione stiffened at that and Pansy was about to apologize again, she wasn’t trying to upset her. ‘’We’re not together anymore actually…’’. This surprised Pansy, she thought the golden trio never fell out with each other, although after Harry and Ron’s bust up she supposed anything was possible. ‘’I’m sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it?’’ Pansy realised she did want to know if Hermione was okay, she felt bad about their past and wanted to make amends. ‘’It’s okay, he was just very unreasonable, he decided to scream at me because I suggested not all Slytherins are evil, he may have shoved me a little but it’s nothing. I haven’t spoken to him since and I’m not planning on it.’’ Pansy had to take a few seconds to compose herself, ‘’did you just say he shoved you? Did he really put his hands on you?’’ she was getting angrier by the minute. Hermione looked ashamed, ‘’yes, while he was yelling he shoved me out of the way’’, Pansy couldn’t believe it, ‘’is that the only time he raised a hand to you?’’ Hermione looked at Pansy with surprise, she couldn’t believe how protective she sounded. ‘’Yes, that was the only time, I haven’t told Harry though, and please, can you keep this between us? I don’t know what he would do if he found out’’. ‘’Okay, but if I see that ginger prick I won’t be as quiet as I was today.’’ Hermione smiled, it was a horrible memory of Ron but sitting with Pansy and talking felt great. They finished their lunch in the kitchens in a comfortable silence, both girls pondering if they ever had the correct opinion of the other.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late when Harry got back to the dorm, he had ended up walking all the way to Hogsmeade and stayed in Madam Puddifoot's tea shop until she closed. He knew he wasn’t meant to be out so late but he didn’t care, he just wanted to be away from the castle and all the drama. When he walked through the portrait he wasn’t surprised to see the common room empty, he walked to the couch, not wanting to go to his room where Ron would be. Without looking he threw himself down and heard a loud scream coming from under him. Harry had failed to notice Hermione who had dozed off waiting for him, she was unhurt but they both were quite shocked.

Once they had regained composure and had a little giggle, Harry explained to Hermione where he had been, she honestly was like a second mother to him (or would she be a third mother considering Mrs Weasley?), then he went on to explain what Pansy had told him, about what life was like for her leading up to and during the war; he failed to mention that Pansy was a lesbian or that he had started talking to her due to an LGBT+ club, he wan’t ready for that talk yet. When he had finished, Hermione just nodded and gave him a hug, ‘’I’m so proud of you for reaching out like that. I assumed not all was what it seemed with Pansy, well, all of the returning Slytherins. I mean, why would you come back if you were ‘’evil’’ or if had a hand in damaging so much here?’’. As usual, Hermione was right and had figured it out first, but Harry was glad that they were on the same page. He didn’t want to keep fighting and he knew that if Hermione understood that he was trying to get along with the Slytherins, then it wouldn’t be awkward for anyone if he started hanging around them; not that he was planning on it but just in case.

The duo didn’t stay up to late after that, they were both exhausted after having such a serious day; as he was heading to his room Harry silently hoped everyone was just asleep, he didn’t want to see Ron again. He wasn’t too surprised to see most of his room awake, Dean and Seamus were playing a game of cards and Neville was reading a book. The curtains around Rons bed were closed but he took that as a positive sign ,’’want me to deal you in Harry?’’ Seamus smiled up at him, he was always one to make Harry feel welcome. ‘’No thanks, I’m good. I really need to sleep.’’ Seamus and Dean just nodded and left him to it. Harry didn’t feel like his head hit the pillow before he was in a deep sleep.

When Harry woke up everyone had already left the room, he assumed the showers would be empty too and luckily he was right. He went into the end stall and turned the water up as high as he could bear it, he needed to wash away the stress from the day before. Harry didn't want to get too lost in his thoughts, he didn’t want to start the day in a bad mood. He tried to think about his dream from the previous night, he knew it was just the thing to take his mind off of everything. He moved his hand to his crotch, picturing someone else touching him. There was never a face to these dreams but always someone touching him, pulling his dick, kissing his neck. He was getting hard now, massaging himself and letting the water run over him. He kept thinking about someone kissing his neck, running their hands over his body. He was breathing faster now, he couldn’t stop his hand if he wanted to. He came hard, he took a minute to get his breath back and then finished getting washed. He realised he was getting needy, it had been a while since he had been with Ginny and he desperately wanted some affection from someone other than his right hand.

Harry headed down to breakfast, thankfully on Sundays breakfast ran late so he didn’t worry about not eating. When he got there he didn't see any of his friends at the Gryffindor table, he sat at the end, not paying attention to anything. He was so engrossed in his breakfast he didn’t notice Pansy sit in front of him, ‘’Hey Potter’’. He jumped at this and she just smirked at him, ‘’how are you? After yesterday?’’. ‘’I’m good, I was already mad at him but that was just like a nail in his own coffin. Fuck that guy.’’ That made Pansy smirk again, ‘’Were you mad because of what went down with Hermione?’’, Harry was surprised at this, he didn’t know how Pansy could have known about that since he hadn’t told her, before he could question her she told him about her chat with Hermione. ‘’She’s not too bad honestly, I was wondering if you and her wanted to go get some lunch with me today? We could head to the Hog’s head?’’. Harry smiled at this, ‘’Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll ask Hermione after breakfast, I haven’t seen her this morning but I’m sure she would love to’’. Pansy smiled back at him, ‘’I’ll meet you there at 2?’’ Harry nodded, and with that Pansy left the great hall. Harry assumed there would be an agenda to the lunch and he was intrigued what it could be about.

After he ate Harry headed to the one place he was sure he could find Hermione, the library. Unsurprisingly, he found her in the restricted section - all 8th year students were given permission to use it whenever they wanted, which meant Hermione spent most of her free time here. He decided to sneak up behind her, she seemed very lost in the book so didn’t notice Harry until he poked her sides and made her shout. ‘’Harry!’’ she hissed at him but it was clear she wasn’t angry. ‘’Pansy invited us to lunch today, in the Hog’s Head. Want to come?’’ Hermione thought about it for a minute, ‘’did she say why?’’. Hermione was dubious after what they had spoken about the previous day, she didn't want Pansy telling Harry about Ron shoving her, she knew he would get physical. ‘’Nope, but it should be fun. Come onnnnn…’’ Hermione laughed at him, ‘’Okay then, if we're both going it shouldn’t be too bad’’. The duo continued chatting for a while, until they were chased out by Madam Pince for being too loud.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry and Hermione got to the Hog’s Head just before 2, there weren't many people in and it seemed like they had beat Pansy. They got a table and ordered 3 pints of butterbeer, as they sat down Pansy walked through the door to join them, she looked sprightly, smiling at the duo. Hermione was still unsure and watching Pansy smile at them didn’t settle her thoughts; she wanted to know why Pansy wanted them together but didn’t want to outright ask, she needed more tact than that. Pansy sat with the duo and pleasantries were exchanged, they were all quite for a while, sipping their beers and people watching. Harry broke the silence first, ‘’So… anyone been keeping up with quidditch?’’ this got everyone giggling and broke the tension, ‘’surprisingly, no. Potter you are quite an odd creature, aren't you?’’ now Hermione was giggling more, Harry looked scandalised and Pansy was smirking, ‘’that is maybe the first time I have heard someone calling Harry a creature, non-maliciously’’. The group continued giggling for a while, when it died down Harry turned to Pansy, ‘’So why did you invite us to lunch?’’ he didn’t seem to notice Hermione get tense or Pansy look uncomfortable, he was just as clueless as ever.

Pansy started fiddling with her glass, ‘’Honestly I wanted a break, and I would have considered us on civil terms at least? I’m branching out, wanting to have some people to talk to outside of Draco and my club.’’ Now it was time for Harry to get tense, ‘’what club?’’ he had still neglected to mention the club to Hermione, so he shouldn’t have been surprised that she asked. ‘’I run a group for the gay students of Hogwarts. Well… gay, lesbian, etc.’’ this clearly caught Hermione by surprise but her reaction made Harry feel so much calmer than he expected, ‘’Oh thats cool, what do you do in the group?’’. She didn’t seem phased by the idea of homosexuals and that comforted Harry, he didn’t know why he thought she would be anything other than understanding, she was a pretty amazing person. ‘’Well, it’s just a group where we support each other, have somewhere to be ourselves, and before you ask, I’m a lesbian’’. Hermione just smiled, ‘’Sounds great, good to know’’.

There was a comfortable silence for a while until Pasny spoke up again, ‘’I wanted to apologise, to both of you. I know I’ve been terrible to you both, well to your entire house; it was hard for me before the war, trying to fit in with my house and not disappointing my parents. I know you can’t just forgive me but I want you to know I am sorry, I wasn’t a good person, but I’m trying to change, my group is helping and well, I’m sorry.’’ Harry and Hermione were hesitant, they wanted to forgive her but it was a lot that they had went through, it was Hermione who spoke, ‘’we can forgive you, it might not be straight away, but we can work on it together’’. Pansy smiled at that, ‘’that’s all I can ask for.’’

Their day continued quite pleasantly after that, the group talked about themselves and Harry headed back to Hogwarts feeling great. He decided that Pansy was someone who could be trusted and he even considered her a friend after that, and he thought Hermione did too. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest when he realised she wasn’t phased at all with homosexuality, it gave him hope that when he started to explore himself she wouldn’t reject him. He still wasn’t sure how to explore this side of himself but he thought attending Pansy’s club and talking to some people in it could help.

Walking back into school, Harry feared he made a bad decision leaving the girls behind, when he saw Ron standing in the hall. The girls wanted to get some stationary before they came back so he had walked back alone, he needed the time to think anyway. How did he forget to think about Ron in the process. He knew he was pissed at him and he knew he probably wouldn’t have the same friendship with him, well… Did he want to be his friend still? He didn’t think so, Ron had changed so much in such a bad way since the war, Harry understood that stress and trauma can change a person, but he didn’t think it would make his best friend into such a monster.

He was just going to ignore him, or turn around, when suddenly Ron was walking up to him. Harry braced himself for something negative, or violent, but nothing like that happened, instead Ron simply started walking with him to the great hall. Harry looked at him like he was an alien, ‘’oh, so are we talking now?’’ Harry felt he was being hostile but how else should he behave. ‘’I’m just walking to dinner, it’s not like it’s something new for us,’’ ‘’Yeah, but after what happened the other day I didn’t expect you to talk to me ever again’’. Harry was getting frustrated, he wasn’t going to act like nothing had happened between them. Ron looked at Harry, like he was choosing what to say next, it made Harry nervous. ‘’I figured we both said things we didn't mean and it was best to let bygones be bygones and let it go.’’. Harry was furious, they were in the great hall now and he was ready to punch Ron all over again.

‘’I don’t regret anything I said, I still believe you were treating Hermione terribly and that the slytherins are okay. In fact I have been with Pansy all day, as well as Hermione, and it’s been great.’’ He wanted Ron to give him an excuse to hit him, but he also didn’t want the hall to get a round 2 of their fight. Ron looked at him like that was the answer he wanted, ‘’Not surprised, figured you were banging that Slytherin bitch, you just basically confirmed it’’. He smirked at Harry, trying to provoke him. Harry was mad, but instead of lashing out… he laughed. Ron was clearly surprised, he wanted to get Harry in trouble, he wanted to hurt him, and here he was, being laughed at instead, ‘’What’s so funny?’’. ‘’You’re such a dumb prick, I can’t believe you’re actually that stupid, I’m obviously not with Pansy but you can’t see that... and people call me oblivious. You’ve lost your girlfriend and best friend because you're such a bigot, who will you be crawling to to make you feel better? Because last I checked, the rest of Gryffindor are talking to the Slytherins, are you going to shout at them too and expect them to take your side? Honestly Ron, I feel sorry for you, you're so pathetic.’’ With that Harry got up and walked over to the Slytherin table, Pansy and Hermione had just gotten back so he figured they could all sit together. When they finally finished their dinner and were leaving Harry looked over at Ron, he was still sat there, dumbfounded, and alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Monday morning had been quite dull so far, Harry had stayed up late with the girls; (they had decided to have a late night campfire with some of the other 8th year students down by the lake) and he had loved it. It had been the most relaxed he had been in a while, Ron obviously didn’t attend and Harry had to admit, he didn’t think anyone had missed him. Pansy and Hermione had been joined at the hip all night so he could tell that they were getting along very well, he didn’t feel as nervous being around them because if they were getting on after all they had gone through, then he just knew Hermione would accept him as he was… She had to.

He was about to get deeper into his worries when someone sat beside him, Hermione was late to breakfast and it was maybe the first time he had ever seen this happen. He couldn’t remember a time since knowing her when she had been late, he turned to tease her but as soon as he saw how tired she was he smiled. Last night was one of the first he had seen her let go since the war and he was just happy she had enjoyed herself as much as him but also that she was as tired as he was.

Morning announcements were usually boring, McGonagall had introduced them every Monday morning as a way to update students instead of owling them, there was always changes to timetables and she liked to remind students on where they could receive help if they were struggling. Harry always respected McGonagall but after the war that respect just grew, she didn’t want any student to feel alone or scared anymore and she was doing everything she could to make sure she succeeded in making people feel safe. After she finished her usual updates she looked more stern, ‘’I would like to announce that there will be a new adjustment to our 8th year group’’. The hall was a flurry with whispers and Harry was nervous, he didn’t like assuming he was the center of everything but after McGonagall stepped in with him and Ron over the weekend he assumed the worst; he turned to Hermione to see she was also looking concerned. 

‘’From now on I want all 8th year students to come together, you will still be in your respective houses but when in the great hall I want you to sit together instead of with the younger years. We will introduce a new layout to the great hall and there will be an 8th year table respectively. We will be introducing a ‘mixer’ class to your schedule which will be a compulsory class where all 8th year students will participate in muggle style games to help you grow together as a ‘’house’’ (she said this with quotation marks). The events that transpired over the weekend was the final straw for myself and other faculty members so from now you will behave as a house and you will learn to respect each other.’’ She paused, waiting for people to take in what she said, some people didn’t seem to care but others did not take this news well, Harry didn’t dare look at Ron during this.

McGonagall cleared her throat, ‘’I do not need to remind you that the war is over. We have done enough fighting and it is time for it to stop. Your new timetable will be distributed this afternoon to be enforced tomorrow. If I feel anyone is not co-operating or if anyone is found to be targeting other students the punishments will be severe.’’ With that McGonagall sat at the head of the teacher table and started eating her breakfast. Harry knew he had something to do with it but the changes offered truly surprised him. He wasn’t sure how Ron would react or how it would be received with the other students. With that thought Harry turned to find Ron but couldn’t see him anywhere; unbeknownst to Harry, Ron had ran out of the room as soon as he heard the announcement.

Once breakfast had finished Harry headed to potions class with Hermione, not much had been said while they were eating. Both were concerned with how Ron would treat their new friends but they were happy that they could bridge the gap with the other Slytherins. ‘’You know what? I think it will be okay.’’ Hermione was of course the first to break the silence, ‘’I was watching the other 8th years and no-one seemed to upset by the news. If he is the only one who’s angry then it will be okay, if others feel like he does then there will be an issue.’’ Harry was still on the fence, ‘’I see what you’re saying, but he reacted like that to us, we were his best friends, and it was in front of the whole school. I feel like even if he doesn’t have others who agree then he will still act like a bigot.’’ Hermione nodded, ‘’We will just have to see what happens…’’

Classes continued as normal that day, and when Harry went to eat that evening, McGonagall had delivered on her promise, there was an extra table in the main hall, it was slightly smaller so Harry knew it was the 8th year table. He headed over to where Hermione was, she was sitting with Pansy, Draco, Blaise Zambini and Daphne Greengrass. They were all deep in conversation and seemed quite happy with the new arrangement, Harry was nervous sitting with them at first but when Pansy smiled at him it faded away. The other Slytherins regarded him with little to no interest but Harry took this as a win, at least they weren’t insulting him or telling him to leave. The other 8th years seemed to be settling with each other too, Seamus and Dean were sat with some Hufflepuff girls and at the end of the table Ron was sitting with some Ravenclaws that Harry didn’t know. He realised he didn’t know a lot of people in his 8th year, he had been so distracted before the war with hunting Horcruxes and so many families had moved, that all the faces around his table seemed to be new.

When Harry finally zoned into the conversation he realised Pansy was updating everyone on her group, everyone seemed to be very interested except Draco. Harry had never seen the Slytherin prince so nervous, it was like he had sunken into himself. It was easy to assume why, Harry couldn’t believe that after everything, Draco Malfoy would hate gay people. He shouldn’t be surprised, he always had a bad attitude, even if he grew out of his pureblood supremacy Harry wasn’t surprised there was other groups he hated. Draco looked almost sick, it made Harry so angry to know that in this day and age people still hated gay peope. He took it as a good thing that he was taking it so personally, it helped him realise it did affect him, because he wasn’t just some straight on looker.

Wow… Harry wasn’t straight, it took getting mad at Draco Malfoy for him to realise but he knew. He didn’t know who he liked but he knew it wasn’t women… or maybe it wasn’t just women. He wasn’t sure but he knew that he liked men too and Draco sodding Malfoy was not going to judge him for that, or anyone else for that matter.

Harry had been so wound up he didn’t notice the group had gone quiet and were looking at him, Hermione placed her hand on his arm which calmed him instantly. He didn’t realise how bad his magic was flaring until she did that, he had to try and control that, he couldn’t let himself get out of control like that. ‘’Harry, what’s wrong?’’ Hermione was whispering to him, her face full of concern. ‘’I’m fine, got really lost in my thoughts I guess’’ Harry felt on edge, he didn’t want to upset his friends but he was still angry. Hermione left him to it but he knew there would be more talking, he didn’t talk much for the rest of the meal and once he finished he headed to his dorm.

Harry really tried to avoid Hermione, he wanted to wait for his sexuality discussion. He hadn’t had time to really think about it himself and he knew if she asked him he would break and tell her; he just didn’t know what he would tell her. Before he could run to his room and hide she walked in, her look told him if he moved he’d die, so he just waited. She grabbed him by his tie and dragged him back outside the common room, luckily the halls were empty or it would have looked very suggestive. ‘’So shall we talk here or do you want to go for a walk?’’ she was clearly concerned but Harry was terrified. ‘’I guess we should walk’’ he was fidgeting now, he didn’t know how to start what he wanted to say, Hermione was giving him time and stayed quiet but that didn’t relieve any pressure.

Harry eventually spoke when they were out of the castle, he realised he was very conscious of others over hearing him and he didn’t want that. He looked at the ground, ‘’do you know how I started talking to Pansy?’’, not being quite what Hermione expected she kept her answer short, ‘’no, you never told me’’. He took a breath, ‘’I attended her group, I didn’t know it was her group originally but I wanted to go and see if I could work some things out, or get some answers’’. Hermione tried not to react, she had no issue with her friend being gay, or any other orientation for that matter but she could see he was struggling to talk to her and she really wanted him to feel comfortable. ‘’I really don’t know who I am, or who I like… I just know I don’t like women… Or maybe I don’t just like women? I don’t know ‘Mione I’m so confused’’. He was tearing up now, Hermione just gave him a hug. ‘’Harry just take your time, you don’t need to figure this out just yet. It’s okay’’. They stayed like that for a while, holding each other. When Harry sounded like he had stopped crying Hermione took his hand and started walking with him. They didn’t go straight to the castle and instead walked around the grounds, they got to the greenhouses before he spoke again, ‘’thanks ‘Mione, this really helped’’ Hermione smiled, ‘’I didn’t really do anything but you’re welcome. If you ever need to talk to me you know where I am’’. They didn’t say much else before they went to their rooms that night. Harry was content in knowing his friend didn’t hate him and Hermione was considering how to tell him she liked Pansy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to upload, Ive had soooo much going on recentlybut I should be updating regularly now :-)
> 
> Thanks for reading and the comments :-)


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